How to recover when you make a mistake

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“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” ~ Duke Ellington.

“We acquire the strength we have overcome.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Every single person in life has made a major mistake. There is not one person who has ever walked the earth who has not made such a mistake. Perhaps you are the one who fumbled in the championship match that cost your team the series. Or perhaps messed up the presentation at work which cost the company a million dollar account. Or perhaps you had a one night stand even though you are happily married. Or perhaps you completely misinterpreted your school project which caused you to fail the entire program. There are as many mistakes as there are people.

Why people make mistakes

Similarly there are as many reasons for making the mistake. Sometimes, it is because of carelessness, sometimes because of misinterpretation, sometimes out of hurriedness, sometimes out of not thinking it through properly. The reasons vary but when you do make that mistake, and you know that you should have known better, it can feel very depressing. But rest assured that you are not alone. In fact if you have never made a major mistake, you can be quite certain that one day you will.

What really matters when you make a mistake is how you deal with it.

Dealing with the consequences

In making a mistake you have made a decision or taken an action that you should not have and there will be consequences. You must deal with these by trying to rectify or compensate or put the situation right. In most instances there is a way to do this. In some circumstances, depending on the mistake, it is challenging to find a way to make up for it. But in most instances you will find a way. 

Learn from the mistake

Carefully evaluate why you made the mistake? What circumstances lead to it? You must ensure that you never make the same mistake twice. If you were careless with an account, you must resolve to be extremely careful in the future. If you slept around because you were drinking and it impaired your judgment, then you must never drink to that extent again. If you allowed yourself to be pressured by others or to make a decision in a rushed manner, then resolve to give yourself some breathing space the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. A mistake has value only if you learn from it. 

Think positively and realistically

This situation is probably the most challenging one in which to engage in positive  realistic thinking. However this is the time when it is critical that you control your thoughts. Be realistic about just how terrible the mistake really is. Chances are that no one has died as a result of your mistake.We have a tendency to label situations a disaster. But consider how disastrous the situation really truthfully is. It is probably embarrassing. Some of your peers or colleagues might lose some respect for you.  You might even be ashamed. These are all unpleasant but not fatal. And in fact, they are all recoverable. You will get over your embarrassment. As long as you act with dignity and are sure to perform respectably in the future, you will earn again the respect of your colleagues and peers. And you behavior now will help you to re-establish your self-respect.

Recognize that you are not alone

More people than you realize will empathize with you. After all, they have all made mistakes. Once you own up to your mistake, and do your best to rectify it, behaving with respect at all times, they might even respect you more for the aplomb with which you are dealing with a difficult situation. 

Don’t obsess

Don’t drag yourself down by constantly going over and over the mistake. Once you realize why it happened, and what you can learn from it, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Obsessing cannot undo the mistake or rectify it, so stop wasting emotional energy beating yourself up. Resolve never to make that mistake again and move on.

Refocus and stay busy

A useful method to keep yourself from obsessing is to stay busy being productive on other projects. Now is a good time to spring clean or exercise or finally start writing that novel. Keep your mind actively engaged on other productive activities. A by-product of this is that you feel proud that you have accomplished things even during this difficult time, which will act as a positive counterpoint for any self-deprecating thoughts.

Don’t define yourself by this one mistake

The fact that you made a mistake does not negate all the accomplishments and successes you have achieved. Under no circumstances must you use negative vocabulary. Be very careful not to identify yourself with the incident. Instead of saying “I am a loser”, say “I am a usually capable person who made a mistake but is doing what is necessary to rectify it and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.” And actively bring to mind all of your past accomplishments and success. Dwell on them. Remind yourself that you are also a successful productive person.

This too shall pass

Remind yourself that while this is a difficult time in your life, it shall pass. A year from now things will be much improved because you are taking steps to ensure that they will. Remind yourself that you want to look back on this challenging time and be proud of how you handled the situation.   

Everyone makes mistakes but what distinguishes those who let it ruin their lives from those who overcome and become stronger and more successful is how you deal with it. Remember that this mistake is an opportunity for you to show your courage, your resolve and character. Make use of this opportunity. Not only will your colleagues respect you even more but you will be very proud of yourself.

We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival.  ~Winston Churchill

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Posted in Choices, Depression, Optimism and Positive Thinking, Self Discipline |   7 Comments »

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 10th, 2007 at 10:13 am and is filed under Choices, Depression, Optimism and Positive Thinking, Self Discipline . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.