How to recover when you make a mistake
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.“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” ~ Duke Ellington.
“We acquire the strength we have overcome.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Every single person in life has made a major mistake. There is not one person who has ever walked the earth who has not made such a mistake. Perhaps you are the one who fumbled in the championship match that cost your team the series. Or perhaps messed up the presentation at work which cost the company a million dollar account. Or perhaps you had a one night stand even though you are happily married. Or perhaps you completely misinterpreted your school project which caused you to fail the entire program. There are as many mistakes as there are people.
Why people make mistakes
Similarly there are as many reasons for making the mistake. Sometimes, it is because of carelessness, sometimes because of misinterpretation, sometimes out of hurriedness, sometimes out of not thinking it through properly. The reasons vary but when you do make that mistake, and you know that you should have known better, it can feel very depressing. But rest assured that you are not alone. In fact if you have never made a major mistake, you can be quite certain that one day you will.
What really matters when you make a mistake is how you deal with it.
Dealing with the consequences
In making a mistake you have made a decision or taken an action that you should not have and there will be consequences. You must deal with these by trying to rectify or compensate or put the situation right. In most instances there is a way to do this. In some circumstances, depending on the mistake, it is challenging to find a way to make up for it. But in most instances you will find a way.Â
Learn from the mistake
Carefully evaluate why you made the mistake? What circumstances lead to it? You must ensure that you never make the same mistake twice. If you were careless with an account, you must resolve to be extremely careful in the future. If you slept around because you were drinking and it impaired your judgment, then you must never drink to that extent again. If you allowed yourself to be pressured by others or to make a decision in a rushed manner, then resolve to give yourself some breathing space the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. A mistake has value only if you learn from it.Â
Think positively and realistically
This situation is probably the most challenging one in which to engage in positive realistic thinking. However this is the time when it is critical that you control your thoughts. Be realistic about just how terrible the mistake really is. Chances are that no one has died as a result of your mistake.We have a tendency to label situations a disaster. But consider how disastrous the situation really truthfully is. It is probably embarrassing. Some of your peers or colleagues might lose some respect for you. You might even be ashamed. These are all unpleasant but not fatal. And in fact, they are all recoverable. You will get over your embarrassment. As long as you act with dignity and are sure to perform respectably in the future, you will earn again the respect of your colleagues and peers. And you behavior now will help you to re-establish your self-respect.
Recognize that you are not alone
More people than you realize will empathize with you. After all, they have all made mistakes. Once you own up to your mistake, and do your best to rectify it, behaving with respect at all times, they might even respect you more for the aplomb with which you are dealing with a difficult situation.Â
Don’t obsess
Don’t drag yourself down by constantly going over and over the mistake. Once you realize why it happened, and what you can learn from it, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Obsessing cannot undo the mistake or rectify it, so stop wasting emotional energy beating yourself up. Resolve never to make that mistake again and move on.
Refocus and stay busy
A useful method to keep yourself from obsessing is to stay busy being productive on other projects. Now is a good time to spring clean or exercise or finally start writing that novel. Keep your mind actively engaged on other productive activities. A by-product of this is that you feel proud that you have accomplished things even during this difficult time, which will act as a positive counterpoint for any self-deprecating thoughts.
Don’t define yourself by this one mistake
The fact that you made a mistake does not negate all the accomplishments and successes you have achieved. Under no circumstances must you use negative vocabulary. Be very careful not to identify yourself with the incident. Instead of saying “I am a loserâ€, say “I am a usually capable person who made a mistake but is doing what is necessary to rectify it and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.†And actively bring to mind all of your past accomplishments and success. Dwell on them. Remind yourself that you are also a successful productive person.
This too shall pass
Remind yourself that while this is a difficult time in your life, it shall pass. A year from now things will be much improved because you are taking steps to ensure that they will. Remind yourself that you want to look back on this challenging time and be proud of how you handled the situation.  Â
Everyone makes mistakes but what distinguishes those who let it ruin their lives from those who overcome and become stronger and more successful is how you deal with it. Remember that this mistake is an opportunity for you to show your courage, your resolve and character. Make use of this opportunity. Not only will your colleagues respect you even more but you will be very proud of yourself.
We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival. ~Winston Churchill
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22 Comments »
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February 10th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
This is a great list of what to do. The one about the obsessing – that is really challenging for me. I replay the event over and over…sometimes for days. A wise teacher once told me the best thing to do is when I see myself going down the rabbit hole of obsession to cut it off – just stop. He said to visualize cutting off the tentacle of thought with the”sword of wisdom”. It sounded corny at first, but you know, it actually helps!
March 18th, 2008 at 5:42 am
thankyou so much
July 30th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I found this to be relieving. i just made a silly blunder. im gonna get better from it!
thanks!
October 19th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
A brisk, straightforward set of simple sctivities to get over it! thanks!
January 24th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
This is a very good list. I too replay events in my mind obsessively, unable to get over the blunder I made. Getting over it is a difficult process but all is not lost, and each day, our lessons learned carry us forward.
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Thanks, very comforting. Just had a huge blowout with a family member whom I love very much, I was angry and said angry things and acted like a fool. Hope to feel better and normal soon. Keep replaying the entire argument start to finish in my head.
April 20th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Thank you for this website and the words that follow. I have made a serious mistake and I have been feeling all alone, as well as I got into a verbal confrontation with a family member over my mistake. The list of things to know and do are very helpful and I will begin to implement them immediately. Again, thank you.
May 16th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I’ll try not to relive a moment of extreme stupidity when I said some hurtful things to a friend while a note from her was in the post. I get the card telling me what a great friend I am and whilst I did apologise quickly I’m still “not in a good place” and she still thinks the situation is “awkward”. If I ever needed a time machine……………….
July 10th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
I do not know what to do I took my dad’s card without permission and made a order for a lot of money and do not know how to cancel it. He said if I don’t cancel it he will call the cops what do I do?
July 10th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
say sorry alot
September 25th, 2010 at 7:48 am
I have made a mistake by leaving my previous job to start a business, while i study but the plan has not work as planned. Everyone at work wanted me to stay and even to come back after i leaved. Now I have admit it was wrong and i wrote to my former boss to apologise and am doing all possible to find a new job and live a normal life again. Your website is very stimulating and with all those wisdom i shall recover and regain my peers, friends, family, former colleagues respect and trust. Thank you
September 30th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
What I will like to add to the reasons you gave as to why people make terrible mistakes is that :
Sometimes you make a mistake because at the time, that seems to be the only right/smart thing to do but later on it turns out to be the worst thing you’ve ever done.
but through it all..as you rightly pointed out, this too…..
October 16th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
I made a mistake ( which is seen by others as greatly insignificant) however it affected me a lot more!
I, like the others on this list, replay the event over and over feeling embarassed and wondering what others’ opinions of me were. I hate that feeling!
I do feel better after reading this list and I hope to get over it quite soon!
October 17th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
thanks so much. im so depressed but thanks for the good tips.
October 30th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Mistakes are chances to grow. We feel badly about errors not simply because they demonstrate ourselves to be fallible but they hurt others about whom we deeply care. Here is an example of a mistake I made and hopefully it will comfort some others reading this site who may need encouragement.
While working in my chosen profession I took actions which resulted in a formal investigation and disciplinary proceedings by the organization regulating my industry and licensure. For a substantial portion of my life I had trained for the capacity to perform my job and had deeply desired to follow the calling as a career. Unfortunately, censure by the regulating body, secondary to my actions, has rendered prohibitive the cost of pursuing this profession further.
The ones most hurt by this situation are family and a fiancee who have watched dearly held hopes fade one by one until each day resembles the one before.
But here is the solution I find in this challenge:
1.) Keep working. It doesn’t matter what or how, just keep moving forward toward a goal. Just as in American football when advancing the ball through defenders, keep kicking and pushing; you’ll be surprised at the yardage gained.
2.) Keep watchful of opportunities hidden in what seems the worst circumstances. Think of the new skills developed and new acquaintances made; these will ALWAYS be helpful in meeting later challenges.
3.) Remain thankful for the experience. It may not be the situation hoped for, and it may seem the worst possible, but through a sincere drive to improve the circumstances and a confidence that focused action toward measurable objectives will result in achievement, the scenario WILL IMPROVE. Appreciate the strength, focus and humility developed in the process.
November 26th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I just read your article on When you make a mistake and was so impressed with the way it was written. It was such easy reading and made so much sense. I have OCD and it is hard for me to get my heart to feel the way I know my head should be thinking on so many things in my life. At 66 years old I would have thought it would have caught up. I tried emailing you, but it does not go through on your website. It says it is broken. I would truly like to know who wrote that article and if that person wrote any books because I am not a reader, but it was such easy reading and I felt it was also extremely powerful in what it said. Thanks.
March 3rd, 2011 at 4:20 pm
This is a good article. I just made a huge mistake at work that was actually due to my over reaction at a bank that we have been representing
I didn’t think I made a scene even though I was right to make a scene it came to back to my boss who put me in place 
I never have made a mistake this huge (sure I make little ones all the time, my job is tough and it happens) however, this one almost cost my job and someone else’s. It has happened 4 weeks ago and everyone bounced back just fine! I fixed the problem and even had my boss compliment me on how quickly I reacted and how honest and upfront I was about the mistake. Even complimented me on how I was the one to fix the mistake and stayed late etc to rectify it. However, I can tell some people look down on me now and its really hard to recover. Its also hard because of the mistake I can tell that some co-workers do not rely as much on me as they have in the past.
Its so hard to get over this mistake, because I wish I could go back and just not have acted the way I did. However, i’m 25 and am in a career that is way above what most 25 year olds do. I have to reassure myself that this isn’t the end of the world and once I grad law school I will probably be at another job so this one will not matter. I will try to pick my self up and continue to do the best job I can. Thanks for the article. Giving myself a little boost for the day.
April 10th, 2011 at 9:34 am
Dear Sir
I have missed many times in the past time in my life when it was easy to learn more but now it is none but needed. Now opportunity is available but not time, in the past time- time was available but not opportunity.
What can I do now & how ? Appreciate your kind advice in this regards.
Best Regards
Mahbub
May 20th, 2011 at 2:05 am
Your real dedication to getting the message along had been definitely insightful and has truly allowed employees much like me to realize their objectives.
June 22nd, 2011 at 7:16 pm
I said the wrong thing (error statement) at a presentation today. I should have known better—it was a simple mistake—i felt bad as soon as I said it. I felt bad and did not feel supported by my coworkers. I felt like everyone was talking about me. I try all the time to research and prepare, but I had a busy week. Two major presentations this week. My coworkers (even before I made the wrong statement) tend to joke and giggle while I am talking as if they are picking apart my words, but this seemed to make me feel worse today. I try to be friendly with my coworkers, but to them it is a sport when I try to be professional but humorous or lighthearted to relieve the tension. They ignore me or avoid me for no reason at all. I give each of them respect and those who attend the meetings. I don’t understand why I am being treated this way. I always try to do my best at work but don’t seem to get respect in return. I will speak with my boss about this tomorrow, but worry about repercussions and the gossip afterwards. . . I believe it will die down. I know I was tired–busy week again. I still don’t feel supported at work, which seems to make me feel more tense during presentations. . . .I feel sad, worried, upset with myself. I feel like this is the icing on the cake because I have been looking for another job before this happened.. . . . just feeling low motivation, but I always try to do my best–I’m not a slacker. I hope to feel better soon, but am a bit embarrassed about what happened.
August 15th, 2011 at 7:35 pm
THIS HASS HELPED ME SOO MUCH! I AM LIVING BETTER AND HAVE MOVED ON ALREADY!
October 11th, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I have made a terrible mistake recently by turning down 2 job offers as I was offered a third job which I really wanted. As the job was not officially offered to me, it just fizzed out leaving me empty handed. Now I have nothing and I am back at square 1. I have been beating myself up for being so stupid and for closing all the doors of possibilities, but after reading this article I feel much better straight away. Thank you.