How to Stop Worrying and Be Relaxed – An Experiment
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.“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” ~ Leo Buscaglia.
I am one of the world’s chronic worriers. I worry about everything under the sun. I worry about arriving late. I worry about arriving early. I worry about what will be said and what will not be said. I worry about what I have and what I do not have. I worry about what I want, what I want to do and what I do not want to do. I worry about all the potential possible obstacles that might stand in my way.
Worrying as an art form?
I have taken worrying about the future to a whole new level. I worry about traffic that I may meet ten minutes from now, I worry about projects that may not come off a month from now, about plans that I have for next year. Heck, I worry about plans that I have for five years from now.
Recently I even found myself worrying about worrying. I worry that I worry too much. I worry what damage all this worrying is doing to my mind and body. Stress after all is very detrimental to your health. I worry about work. I worry about school. I worry about my family. I worry about my friends. I worry about the state of the world. I worry about my future. I worry about my internal life. I even worry about my dreams and my goals.
Worrying myself into an early grave?
I worry about my health. For heavens sake, the worse thing the doctor could have said to me was that I needed to stop worrying because worrying was making my health problem even worse. I spent weeks afterwards worrying that my worrying was making me sick!
This of course makes me a very anxious and nervous individual. It makes the difficult times even more difficult and adds a negative element to the good times. I have been working on improving this situation for some years now and I now worry much less than I used to five years ago. I have implemented many strategies to curb the worrying and I keep adding new ones.
The experiment
I am in the midst of an experiment designed to allow me to be worry-free for a month, and I would like to invite you to join me. Even if you are only a mild worrier, you might find this experiment liberating.
The objectives of the experiment are as follows:
- To be present in the present
- To be relaxed
- To be calm even in the midst of stressful situations
- To minimize anxiety and nervousness
- To itemise what are the effects of not worrying.
It is often stated that worrying serves no purpose; that life will proceed as it will regardless of whether we worry or not. It is often stated that worrying is a waste of valuable brain power. I believe these statements intellectually, but have yet to really convince myself of their value in my life. This experiment is designed to help me realize the effects of not worrying.
I think I secretly believe that worrying is somehow akin to planning. I believe in some part of my brain that worrying serves a purpose; that it is useful. I think I also believe that if I stop worrying dreadful things will happen, my life will fall apart and Armageddon will be upon us.
Purpose of the experiment
One of the most important functions of this quit-worrying experiment is to firmly disprove this belief. Another function of this experiment is to allow me to experience the joys of a worry-free existence even in the midst of stress. So many of my waking thoughts (and many of my sleeping ones too) are consumed with worrying and stressing that I simply do not enjoy the wonderful things in my life as much as I ought to.
Being worry-free in the midst of life
I will still have to deal with the numerous projects for work and school. I will still have family concerns to be dealt with. I will still have external events which will function as stressors. However, my aim is to control my reaction to these events and to limit my reaction to a constructive one and one that does not permit worrying.
Techniques to be worry-free
I have a variety of methods that I will be trying to help cease the worrying once I become aware that I am worrying.
These include:
- Take five slow deep breaths.
- Slowly become aware of the objects in my environment.
- Appreciate the beauty of some item in my environment.
- Remind myself to be present in the present.
- Identify a solution to the item of my worry and refuse to consider it further.
- Give events only the time they deserve.
Deal with events in a timely fashion
This last item needs some explaining. It is the process of dealing with an incident when it occurs and then actively dismissing it from your mind. Worriers tend to obsess over incidents. To go over and over and over the sequence of events. To wonder about all the different possible permutations that it might have taken. To consider ad nauseum all the different consequences that it might have.
Giving events only the time they deserve means dealing with them within a finite time frame. Most everyday events deserve only the time within which they occur and a few minutes more. There are of course events that require large time investments in order to make accurate decisions. These sorts of events are infrequent. The worrier must make a conscious effort to restrict and limit the time spent thinking uselessly about events. Give events only the time they need.
Sometimes it is useful to go over events in order to glean whatever can be learnt from the experience to ensure that mistakes are not repeated. If you are thinking over an event be sure to have a clear objective in mind as to why you are thinking about this event. And cease thinking about it once you have achieved that objective.
The simple questions “Why am I thinking about this?” and “What do I hope to achieve by thinking about this?” will help keep you headed in the right worry-free direction.
Worrying about the future
With regards to worrying about future events, remind yourself that you cannot possibly predict what will happen even one minute from now. And only when the event happens will you have all the information to respond to it. It might be useful to consider past occasions where you were taken by surprise but still made an appropriate decision and took an appropriate action. Trust that in the future you will also deal with whatever occurs. There is no use to worrying about it. Plan for it if possible but do not obsess.
Listen to relaxing music
One of the challenges for the worrier is being present in the present moment. The mind is usually always on some other situation, in the past or the future or existing only in some imaginary world of fear. Relaxing music, whether it be opera, jazz, instrumental, or the sounds of nature can go a long way to soothing the mind and creating the right environment to enjoy the present moment. It can calm the mind frenetic with concerns. Make ample use of music as a tool to derail worrying.
Enlist the support of friends and family
Let your friends and family know that you are attempting to eliminate your habit of worrying. They can make you aware of when you are engaging in this negative activity and help provide alternatives and distractions. So to all my friends and family who are reading this, consider yourself enlisted in my fight against worrying 
So I invite you to take the challenge with me to be worry-free for a month. Live life in a relaxed manner and see how it affects you. I will keep you updated on my progress, the obstacles, the experience, the effects, and any tips I pick up in my journey to becoming worry-free. I look forward to your emails letting me know how you are progressing.
“I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us.” ~ Dorothy Day.
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March 6th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
very, very helpful! i’m a 20 year old guy with depression and constant anxiety, i constantly worry about alot of things, not really mundane things too much, rather i worry about the depression and the worrying itself, I basically create my own slowly unfolding senseless catastrophes. This site’s really gonna come in handy. I’ll make a donation as soon as I possibly can!
Jay