Coping with Stress – Part I

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“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow” ~ Thomas Paine.

Dealing with life-impacting prolonged stressful events requires a particular mindset and a particular set of skills. I have spoken about explanatory styles and how changing our thinking from pessimistic to optimistic can impact not only on the enjoyment of our lives but on the outcome as well. How to be an Optimist Up to this point, I have spoken about changing our explanatory styles in relation to simple everyday adversities. The concept is that once we start engaging in more positive optimistic explanatory styles in response to minor adversities, we will become trained to automatically think this way. You can read more on explanatory styles in article The Different Explanatory Styles of Optimism and Pessimism.

When we are subsequently faced with more major adversities we will have built up this skill set and it will automatically help us to come through those events in the most positive way possible. However, most of us who are currently pessimistic thinkers have not yet fully retrained ourselves yet. And even for those who have, a stressful event that is ongoing, that preoccupies your thoughts, generating continued anxiety and worry requires an additional arsenal of weapons. I am constantly adding to what I believe is vital in that arsenal but in this article I will discuss what I currently believe are vital tools to help come through these types of adversities in the most positive way possible.

Types of Stressful events

Stressful events occur on a severity continuum. Some events are obviously minor – such as not being able to find a pen that writes, or being stuck in a traffic jam. These events are clearly not life-changing and occur within a short finite time period. They cause stress in the moment and this does impact on your overall enjoyment level and sense of satisfaction with life. Other stressful events are obviously major – such as the prolonged illness of a loved one or the unplanned loss of a job. And there are many stressful events that have a severity level in between these two extremes such as preparation for an interview or coping with home renovations. Your explanatory style impacts on your ability to deal with all types of stresses.

A realistic optimistic explanatory style promotes a successful reaction and outcome for all stressful events regardless of severity. However, in addition to using positive thinking for stressful events that are prolonged, an additional skill set is required. Examples of events that fall into this category are the prolonged illness of a loved one, the threatened loss of a job, and marital discord. Some events are finite in time but result in a major life change and a protracted period of stress. Examples of this type of stressful events include the death of a loved one, the actual loss of a job, the discovery that your son is addicted to drugs, the discovery that your teenaged daughter is skipping school and hanging out with a very negative crowd, the diagnosis of a dreaded disease, and the discovery of an affair.

Consequences of Stress

The stress that is caused by such events is ongoing over a lengthy period, sometimes as much as years but usually weeks or months. It can result in obsessive thinking, constant preoccupation with the adversity, the inability to enjoy other areas of life, constant anxiety and fear for the future, irritability, poor sleep, poor job performance, ill health, deteriorated relationships and depression.

Coping with Stress

What is the most positive successful way to cope with this kind of stress?

The obvious answer is to engage in positive optimistic thinking on a daily basis. To take each day  at a time, and sometimes each moment at a time and constantly be asking yourself the question “What is the most positive optimistic emotional and physical action I can take at this stage of the situation?”

However, it is all well and good to KNOW intellectually that you must do this, but if you have not yet trained yourself to automatically think optimistically, it is a real challenge to implement this kind of thinking. How do you stop yourself from obsessing about the situation? How do you stop yourself from being irritable? How do you help to improve your sleep? These reactions seem to be out of your control after all. In short, how do you cope?

Acknowledge the stress

The first thing to do is acknowledge that you are experiencing a major prolonged stressful event. Although we are in the midst of it, most people don’t stop and think about that fact. Acknowledging that you are in this type of situation will instantly alert the part of your brain that will start asking how to deal with a prolonged stressful event. Just as when a fire occurs, a particular section of your brain is activated that quickly goes through the possible fire suppression options, your brain will start going through the possible methods to deal with heavy duty stress. It will call to mind the suggestions listed here.

The rest of the suggestions are dependent on your taking deliberate conscious choices.

You must act on the situation rather than let the situation act on you.

Get perspective

Evaluate the situation realistically and determine the real consequences (not imagined fears). Explore the worst case scenario and the possible consequences of that. Remind yourself that the worst case scenario is unlikely – in most cases our fears do not come to fruition. When you consider the consequences, realize that although it might be terrible you will survive. You will recover. You will move on, and move forward.

Consider for example that you discover infidelity. What might be the worst case scenario? That your marriage dissolves. That would be painful, overwhelming, and possibly frightening. It would involve a complete life change in living accommodations and custody arrangements. It might even involve a decrease in standard of living. But once you adjust to all these events, life will go on. You will move forward. You will find someone new. You will become accustomed to your new living arrangements and standard of living. The worst case scenario is not something you seek, but even if it occurs you will be okay.

Putting things in perspective this way will help you to control your feeling that the situation is overwhelming. It will help you to take control of the situation.

Avoid useless obsessive thinking

There is no use to dwelling on why this situation should happen to you. Questions like “Why me?” just keep you mired in misery. There is no useful purpose in feeling victimized by the divine. The universe is not out to get you. Into every life some rain must fall. At first you may be in shock and need to keep repeating the details of the situation until it sinks in. After that, there is no use in going over and over the details of the situation again and again. This is a waste of your brain power. Think about the situation by all means – but do it from a solution perspective.

Identify positive outcomes

It is essential that you consider the situation and explore the possible positive outcomes. Brain storm and identify the best ways in which you would like this situation to turn out. If you have been diagnosed with a disease, the most positive outcome is a cure.  If you have discovered an affair, the most positive outcome is the complete recovery of your marriage. If you have lost your job, the most positive outcome is a new better job. Do not consider if these outcomes are feasible or not, just identify what you would consider to be the most positive outcomes for the adversity that you are facing.

Determine a course of action

Once you have identified how you would like this stressful event to be resolved, identify a course of action to get there. With regards to the disease diagnosis, set about exploring possible cures and treatment options. The internet is a wonderful resource for this. If the issue is your marriage, explore marriage counselors, marriage retreats, speak to your minister, read books, scour the internet for ideas for resolution. If you lost your job, prepare your resume, identify the kind of your job that you want, the kind of companies, start applying, submit your application to human resources agencies – again scour the internet. Be creative.

Identify a course of action to get your to your identified resolution.

Be persistent and determined

When faced with an obstacle, remind yourself that there is always a solution. Find another way. If one treatment does not work, try another. Believe in a solution. Never encourage yourself to feel defeated for any length of time. Some discouragement is natural but do not give in to it. Persist. Pick yourself up and start the process over. Find another way.

Take control

With all of these actions you are taking control of the event that ‘happened’ to you. You are implementing a resolution – the resolution you have decided on. You are acting. You ARE moving through this stressful event and bringing yourself closer to the end of it. Smile, for triumph is at hand – not to mention it will actually make you feel better to smile

“To overcome difficulties is to experience the full delight of existence.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer.

Look out for Coping with  Stress – Part II tomorrow.

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Related Articles:

• Coping with Stress – Part II 
• Optimism & Resilience
• How to Fight Depression Naturally
• How to become an Optimist – Part I
• How to become an Optimist Part II: Disputing Pessimistic Beliefs
• How to become an Optimist Part III: Avoid Thinking Errors
• How to be Happy – Training yourself to enjoy life
• The Power of Realistic Positive Thinking
• Your Capacity for Change
• Optimism vs. Pessimism
• The Different Explanatory Styles of Optimism and Pessimism

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This entry was posted on Saturday, October 7th, 2006 at 10:48 am and is filed under Choices, Depression, Optimism and Positive Thinking, Self Discipline . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.