How to become an Optimist - Part I

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“Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and man can find every truth connected with his being if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul.” ~ James Allen.

Becoming an optimist is a simple matter of training yourself to think differently. It is simple but it requires time, patience and persistence. In order to become an optimist you must learn a different explanatory style, particularly when faced with an adversity, for it is explanatory style that really differentiates between optimism and pessimism. You can read more about this in the artile on The Different Explanatory Styles of Optimism and Pessimism.

Adversity

Adversity includes severe events such as the death of a loved one or loss of a job, and also regular minor everyday events. Being stuck in a traffic jam, the kids yelling, not getting in to see your preferred movie, missing the bus, rain on your day off – all of these are common everyday examples of adversity.

The ABC model

Dr Albert Ellis, prominent psychology researcher developed the ABC model to explain our reaction to adversity.

A is the adversity.
B is our belief about the adversity and
C is the consequence of our belief.

Our reaction to adversity is not so much a result of the adversity but a result of our belief about the adversity.

An example of explanatory style at work

You called your partner and requested that he buy some milk on the way home. He forgets. You believe that your partner forgot because you are unimportant to him, and you find yourself thinking that he always forgets things to do with you. This makes you very sad and you accuse him of not loving you and find that you cannot enjoy his company for the rest of the evening.

In the above example, the adversity is that your partner forgot to pick up the milk as you requested. The belief is that you are not important to him. And the consequence of this belief is that you get sad and cannot enjoy your partner’s company.

A more optimstic reaction

Another person could react to this same adversity in a different way. She could think that her partner was very preoccupied with work and was probably quite tired (the belief) and so forgot the milk. She will then commiserate with her partner about his day, make plans to get the milk at some subsequent time and she will go on to enjoy the evening (the consequence).

Clearly, one reaction (explanatory style) is more positive and more desirable than the other.

How to become an optimist by changing your explanatory style

In order to change your explanatory style you must take the following steps:

1. Become intimately aware of your thinking when faced with adversity.
2. Question your thinking for accuracy.
3. Dispute your thinking.

This process is sequential. First you must become aware of what you are thinking when faced with a stressful event, then you must question those thoughts for accuracy and seek to dispute them. You will basically be learning the art of arguing with yourself

This article will discuss in detail the first step in the process: Becoming aware of you thoughts. The following articles will discuss the next steps.

Become aware of your reaction to adversity

You need to become aware of what you are thinking when you are faced with adversity.
This may seem like a straightforward process, however it is a bit tricky. Think back to a recent occurrence of adversity, and do the following:

• Describe the event as objectively as possible.
• Describe what you were thinking.
• Describe your feelings and actions.

For example:
Adversity: My partner forgot to pick up the milk on the way home as I requested.
Belief: He does not care for me. I am generally unimportant to him. He always forgets things to do with me.
Consequence: I feel sad and unloved. I picked a fight with my partner, accusing him of not loving me and my evening was ruined.

Becoming aware of your explanatory style requires that you analyze your thoughts, feelings and actions at every instance of adversity. How did you explain the event? What did you say to yourself? How did you feel and what actions did you take as a result?

It takes practice to really hone in on what you tell yourself. This is because it is usually a swift automatic process that takes place so subtly that you might not even realize what you are thinking.

How to figure out your beliefs

Sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what your thoughts are in reaction to the adversity. Sometimes we move so quickly to the consequence stage that we are unaware of the belief that led to it. The consequence itself can give a clue to the belief. You can backtrack and so figure out your thinking habit. The following may help you decipher your beliefs.

Anger

If you find yourself feeling anger chances are that you had the belief that someone violated your rights. In the above example, if you ended up feeling angry, you might have believed that your partner blatantly disregarded your request because he does not respect you.

Anxiety/fear

If you find yourself feeling anxious or fearful, chances are you believe there is some future threat. In the above example, perhaps you believed that your partner’s forgetfulness is a sign that he is losing interest in you and therefore perceive a threat to your relationship.

Embarrassment

If you find yourself feeling embarrassment, chances are you believe that you have a potential loss of standing with others.

Guilt

If you find yourself feeling guilt, chances are you believe that you are violating the rights of others.

Sadness/Depression

If you find yourself feeling sad or depressed, chances are you are believe there is a loss to your self-esteem or an actual loss to yourself. In the above example, perhaps you believe that you are losing your partner’s love.

Summary

In order to become an optimist the first step is to figure what your explanatory style is. So identify your reaction to adversity by noting the following three items for each adversity or stressful event:

1. What happened?
2. What did you think?
3. What did you feel and do?

Try to think of five recent occurences of adversity, and figure out the ABC’s of each. Also for the next few days, try to note your thoughts, feelings and actions in response to any adversity you encounter. You may get an eye-opener as to what beliefs you hold that result in your reacting the way that you do.

Remember it is not the adversity that causes pessimistic thinking but our beliefs about the adversity.

The next article will discuss Steps 2 and 3 in the process of becoming an optimist.

 

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Related Articles:

• How to become an Optimist Part II: Disputing Pessimistic Beliefs
• How to become an Optimist Part III: Avoid Thinking Errors 
• How to be Happy - Training yourself to enjoy life
• The Power of Realistic Positive Thinking
• Your Capacity for Change
• Optimism vs. Pessimism
• The Different Explanatory Styles of Optimism and Pessimism
• Coping with Stress - Part I
• How to Fight Depression Naturally

Posted in A New Start, Choices, Depression, Optimism and Positive Thinking, Self Discipline |

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 18th, 2006 at 7:15 am and is filed under A New Start, Choices, Depression, Optimism and Positive Thinking, Self Discipline . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.