Your Capacity for Change
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.“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.” ~ Confucius.
Most of what I write implies an assumption that the human being has the capacity for change. I make that assumption because I know from my own personal experience that change is possible. The fact is, that change is not only possible but that the human being is designed for change and designed for learning. The human being has an infinite capacity for change.
Learning facilitates change
Learning facilitates change. We learn mostly through cause and effect. If a child sticks her hand in a flame and gets burnt, she learns not to do that again. She learns that the effect of sticking her hand in the flame is to feel a painful burning sensation. And thus learning is facilitated. This learning facilitates a change in her behavior – to avoid sticking her hand into a flame.
We all know that flames cause burns. But could you imagine just for one second that one day you stick your hand in a flame and it does not burn you. Well, you have already been conditioned to believe otherwise so this event will surprise you. But if it becomes a repeatable occurrence that every time you stick your hand in a flame you are not burnt, you will soon learn a new cause and effect – that flames are safe and do not burn your skin. This new learning will override your old learning.
Replacing old learning with new learning
It may take a few occurrences but you will soon change your behavior. Your old knowledge that flames burn will be replaced by your new knowledge that flames do not burn. And this learning will effect change. You will no longer avoid flames. Of course all real flames do burn (at least I don’t think technology has created flames that don’t burn our skin yet) so that knowledge is still valid. (To be quite clear: I am not advocating that you go sticking your hands into flames folks 
The need for change
However, many of the other behaviors that we learnt as children may no longer be accurate (if it ever was). Some of those behaviors may in fact be harmful to us. It may be necessary to effect new learning to override that old learning. It is very important to realize that just because we have always managed our life and our emotions in a particular way, it does not mean that we cannot make an active decision to change that.
A personal example
I will use myself as an example. I spent roughly the first 30 years of my life as a pessimist. A through and true pessimist. It was not an active choice that I remember making. Clearly it was a way of viewing the world that I learnt as a child – perhaps there are even genetic influences that dictated it. But whatever the reason, the fact was that I saw the worst in everything first. That is the way that I had always been.
I sensed that my deep level of unhappiness and my clinically diagnosed depression had something to do with my pessimistic nature. I was a well-read person – I knew of all the studies that concluded that optimists live happier lives; that optimists are healthier; that optimists live longer and are more satisfied overall than pessimists. I knew this. I believed it. I wished fervently that I could be an optimist instead of a pessimist. Heck, I wanted to live longer, and be healthier and certainly I wanted to be happier! Curse my childhood or genetics or whatever had made me a pessimist.
Making a deliberate decision to change
Finally it occurred to me that maybe I could change myself. I could re-learn how to view the world. I was not into hypnosis so I realized that I would have to re-train myself to think differently. Optimism and pessimism starts in the thoughts so I would have to re-train my thinking.
Weren’t thoughts automatic though? I know that random thoughts occur to me all the time. Of course I could choose which thoughts to focus on. I could choose which thoughts to discard. Heck, I did it already: every time I remembered a project that was due, I routinely chose to ignore that thought (yes, there will be another article on procrastination and how to overcome it ). Surely I could train myself to focus on different thoughts. I could choose to focus on the more positive thoughts instead of always focusing on the negative ones.
Not only that, but I could actively choose to insert certain thoughts into my head. I could choose to consider options, angles and circumstances that I usually did not. It occurred to me that even though I had lived 30 years of life thinking and reacting to life in one way, I had the ability to change. I could change my thinking and change the way that I reacted to life. I have that control and I have that power. I have the capacity for change.
It would of course not be easy, but as I mentioned before: that is no reason to shy away from the challenge. I had great incentive to seek that change – the depression was getting to dangerous levels and at that point, I would have settled for feeling just neutral emotion instead of the constant negative emotion that I lived with 24 hours a day.
Effecting Change
I read and researched, and using the material I learnt about, I formulated a plan. First I would have to train myself to become closely aware of the usually-automatic thinking process that determined my reaction to any event in life. Secondly, I would have to analyze those thoughts, examining their nature and checking them for accuracy. Finally, I would replace those thoughts when necessary with more accurate optimistic thoughts.
You can look out for a subsequent article on becoming more of an optimist, in which I will detail that process. The epiphany for me was that I actually could change my thinking, and therefore change my behavior. I did not have to be the way I had always been. Nor did I have to go through hundreds of hours of psychotherapy to find out what had happened in my youth to make me the person that I was (although I could engage in that joy-filled experience if I wanted to just for curiosity’s sake ).
I just had to identify what I wanted to change; what I wanted to change it to; form a plan to change it and implement that plan. I expected it to be challenging to effect the change and I made up my mind to persist even in the face of the challenge. But most important of all was the knowledge that I had that capacity for change.
The opportunity to change
Is there some behavior or thinking in your life that you do not like or that does not serve you anymore? You can change it. Just because you have always acted or always thought a certain way does not mean that you must continue in that fashion. You can choose to change. You have the capacity for change.
Perhaps you do not like how you behave when you get angry. Perhaps you do not like the method you use to argue with your partner. Perhaps you do not like how you behave when you are afraid. Perhaps you wish you were more assertive at work. Perhaps you wish you were more in control and more comforting with your children. Perhaps you wish you were more of an optimist. You can change. You do have the capacity for change.
Steps to effect change
The following are the steps you need to take to make that change:
• Identify the behavior or the thinking you wish to change.
• Identify the ideal behavior or thought pattern that you would like to change it to.
• Research and formulate a plan to change.
• Implement that plan.
Change is a Process
One thing I would like to mention briefly here – change is possible but do not expect it to be swift or easy. Where behavior and thinking habits are concerned, change takes time, repetition and consistency. You must keep at it. You must persist. It has taken me years to become more of an optimist – to not give in to depressed thinking patterns. After all, it probably took me years to learn to be a pessimist, so it is only natural that it may take years to change that thinking. It has been a very challenging road – with many starts, and slips and stops and frustrations and start-overs. And even today I am still making that change – there are still moments when I slip into my old pessimistic thinking habits and display my old negative depressed habits. But those moments are fewer and fewer.
Change is a process and it does not happen over night, but it does happen. If you choose to make it happen. Again the choice is yours. You have the capacity for change. But you have to make the choice to effect that change.
What would you like to change about how you live your life?
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Related Articles:
- How to be Happy – Training yourself to enjoy life
- The Power of Realistic Positive Thinking
- Optimism vs. Pessimism
- How to become an Optimist – Part I
- Coping with Stress – Part I
- Achieving Your Goals Part I – Goal Identification
- How to Fight Depression Naturally
- Coping with Stress – Part I
- Seeking out Mentors
Posted in
A New Start, Choices, Depression, Goals |
1 Comment »
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September 23rd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
you are a good writer and very effective one at that, these articles are so good, ithink they should be made compulsory reading in schools when children start forming core values and beliefs-i am serious., thanks for all the efforts that go into writing this., you have no idea how inspiring and motivating it is to so many people.